Letter 09
Re: Build Your Own People
Dear Immigrant,
The community you had at home was built over a lifetime without your awareness of building it. It was assembled by proximity — by going to the same school, attending the same church, growing up on the same street. You did not choose most of it. It chose you through the circumstances of your formation.
In the new place, you have to build community deliberately. Nobody assembles it for you by accident. The people who will become important to you are out there, but you will not find them by staying in your apartment. You find them by showing up to the same place repeatedly until the repetition creates familiarity and the familiarity creates the possibility of something more.
The immigrant community in your city is the most immediate resource. The people who came before you, from your country or from anywhere, who understand what the crossing costs — these are the people who will recognize your situation without needing it explained. Find them. Go to the cultural associations, the diaspora church, the African restaurant where the owner knows everyone. These are the nodes of the network. Be there consistently.
Also build relationships outside the immigrant community. The people who grew up in the country you have arrived in understand things about it that no immigrant, however long-established, fully knows. They know the informal rules, the unspoken codes, the history that shaped the present. They can explain things you cannot figure out from observation alone. These relationships are harder to build and worth building.
Your people are out there. They are also showing up to places and hoping to find someone. Be findable. Be consistent. Building community takes eighteen months of showing up before it becomes something you can rely on. Start the eighteen months now.
From someone who eventually found their people,
A former immigrant
dearimmigrant.com